Ricklassify

The country’s industrial capital, Mumbai, is called so because it provides hundreds of ways to the hundreds of people coming in, to earn some moolah!!

Having stayed in this city of dreams for the past 20 years I have realized that the number of auto rickshaws have been on a consistent increase. I typically am a very lazy person so progress in this sector helped me. I am a regular user of this service. Well this is also, one of the reasons why I can write a post on my observations over the years about the different species of auto-drivers.

The different categories in which auto-drivers have been classified (by me of course) are as follows:

(Typical, ain’t it?)

Type 1:

These are the ones who make up for the majority. They are least bothered about anything. They will drop you off where you want, never interfere unnecessarily, generally quite. And on a personal note, I find them to be the best kinds.

Type 2:

They are the sweet ones. Ah! Correction… the OVER SWEET ones. Man!! A person can so get onto your nerves just by being sweet is unimaginable. They will ask you how you want to go. And yes they will also make it a point to advise you about the routes you should take for different places. For instance, I was travelling to college from home and this auto guy must have driven me there twice earlier (may be). He suggested me to hire an auto (I did say I am lazy, so wouldn’t type the whole term) on monthly basis to drive me to college. He also incidentally happened to drive me home from classes one day at around 10 pm, and so came his next advice, to hire an auto on a monthly basis if it gets so late everyday. I surely appreciate their concern but it does tend to irritate.

Type 3:

They are the over careful ones. Once you are seated you get a weird feeling of awkward serenity. They will start slow, maintain that speed, careful not to get into the potholes (wouldn’t mind zigzagging on the street). You try your best to sit upright but fail miserably. And if you a re getting late by any chance, you will hell not reach on time.

Type 4:

These are the kind that will make you feel as if you have been punished for hiring their vehicle. You are under constant fear of being stopped by some patrolling official. And I have sub-divided them into two-

a) The ones who drive fast, very fast and you try to keep all your things safe, fearing they mite just get blown off. They are not that scary but yes one does get a good dose of fear.

b) Now, now. These are the scariest of all and you will definitely regret having taken that auto. They drive fast plus somehow manage to get their wheels into almost all the potholes on the road. They will get into the smallest space available. This time too you cling on to your belongings not because+ they might get blown off but because you are actually scared of hitting a tree or big vehicle or getting blown off yourself. The ride is no less than that of a roller coaster.

Well this is all that my studies can reveal so far. And this classification is a result of a ride from home to college in an auto with Type 3 driver.

HAPPY and GAY !!

Sorry for being late in posting new crap here on Crapologists. Its all because both of us crapologists - me and Garima - were quite busy with our lives. Garima was busy with stuffs as usual - journal writings, college, etc - and also her Farewell. Garima-ji, Farewell toh ab ho gaya, we expect a post from you SOOOOOON !!! And I was busy with work, office, factory, being home alone, college and a skit !

Yes, a skit. Although, I'm not an avid participant in social and cultural activities, I participated in the skit 'coz of a friend. He was going to participate, but couldn't due to some health problems. He's still recuperating. This is when I jumped into the bandwagon !

Here are two videos of the act. The quality isn't that good, but it isn't that bad either.

The audience cheered us. We rocked the stage full on ! The audience gave us a standing ovation ! Yet, we lost the top position to another act, which was adjudged 'the best' only on the basis of their concept. No doubt their concept was good, but they had no dance ! But judges ko kaun samjhaaye??? Khair, jo hota hai achhe ke liye hi hota hai.... Such is life !

Marwaris = Smart !

While surfing through some random blogs, I came across this story of a Marwari salesman. I, being a Marwari myself, couldn't refrain myself from reading it. I loved it sooooo much. Read it and know how good Marwaris are at business !

A keen immigrant Indian lad applied for a salesman’s job at London’s premier downtown departmental store. In fact, it was the biggest store in the world – you could get anything there.

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"

"Yes sir, I was a salesman in Rajasthan in India", replied the lad.

The boss liked the cut of him and said,

"You can start tomorrow and I’ll come and see you."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it. And finally 6:00 PM came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked,

"How many sales did you make today?"

"Sir, Just ONE sale." said the young salesman.

"Only one sale?" blurted the boss.

"No! No! You see here, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. If you want to keep this job, you’d better be doing better than just one sale. By the way how much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand three hundred and thirty four pounds", said the young Marwari.

"What? How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well", said the salesman, "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. So I told him he’d be needing a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer. I then asked him where he’ll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents. Then the guy said, while we’re at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!!"

"No." answered the salesman, "He came in to buy a box of sanitary napkins for his wife and I said to him, "Your weekend is screwed anyway; you might as well go fishing."

So, this is what being Marwari is... I'm proud to be a Marwari ! Kasam se....

The National Song and the Fatwa

Fatwa issued against Vande Mataram

This piece of news is shocking to many. But, to me, it is disgusting ! Jamiat Ulema-e-Hind of Deoband has issued a fatwa (n.  A legal opinion or ruling issued by an Islamic scholar) against the National Song 'Vande Mataram'. (Watch the Times Now video)

Jamait Ulema-e-Hind or the JUH on Tuesday issued a fatwa against singing national song ‘Vande Mataram’. According to a resolution, Muslims should not sing ‘Vande Mataram’ as its reciting is against the Islam.

The resolution, which was passed at the Deoband national convention meet, says that Muslims should not sing ‘Vande Mataram’ as some verses of the patriotic song are against the tenets of Islam. The JUH leader said that the some of the line in the song is against Islam.

In the first place, I'd like to ask these so-called scholars is it necessary to issue such a fatwa against a song which inspired a lot of freedom fighters (including Muslims) to fight for the country's independence? And if you do so, I'm very sorry to say that you don't deserve to be called a 'scholar'. And if you have a problem in reciting Vande Mataram, nobody's compelling you to do so. In turn, you shouldn't impose your thoughts over other Muslims brothers and sisters.

I'm not against Islam. I respect Islam as much as I respect my own faith or any other faith for that matter. All I can not stand is this 'extremism' and imposition of thoughts on others.

Isn't it a deliberate attempt to create differences in the minds of common people? Will in not create rifts between Hindus and Muslims? And God forbid, if something happens, who the hell is gonna take the responsibility? Will the clerics hold themselves responsible?

Why didn't they issue fatwa against A R Rahman for his much successful rendition of Vande Mataram? Wasn't it un-Islamic at that time? Hats off to A R Rahman for that marvellous rendition. I loved that song ! I don't think A R Rahman would stop singing Vande Mataram at his concerts. And the clerics would agree that he's a perfect Muslim. So here you go....

I just want to say that I detest those people who poke their nose in other's lives. You live yours, and let others live theirs. Thats it !! In my opinion, the nation should be primary, and religion or faith should be secondary.

Meanwhile, the Muslim Law Board justified the decision saying that (Muslims) can’t offer prayers to anyone but Allah. Kamal Farooqui, a prominent leader of the Board said, “We love the nation but can’t worship it.”

Dude !! Who tells you to worship? If you don't want to sing, its ok. Don't force it on others. GROW UP !!! Get a life !

On the contrary, many of the Muslim political leaders and other prominent Muslims personalities have thrashed the fatwa against the national song. Renowned scriptwriter and lyricist Javed Akhtar said, “The objection is redundant. You don’t want to sing Vande Mataram? Don’t! Who is forcing you? I sing it. I don’t see it as objectionable. If you do, don’t sing it. Why do you insist on bringing such irrelevant matters centre stage?”

Javed Akhtar, who is considered as nationalist believes in strengthening the country not dividing its people on the basis of religion said, “ It’s a non-issue and unnecessarily provocative. I’ve written songs with Vande Mataram in them. I used the term Vande Mataram in Priyadarshan’s Saza-e-Kala Pani. Then I used the term for a song in Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani and finally for a song that’s used at the military academy at Dehradun. Please don’t make an issue out of a non-issue. These are non-entities.”

My advice to everyone : Singing or not singing Vande Mataram is entirely your personal choice. Please don't let others make it an issue. If you don't want to sing, its better you don't sing rather than publicise the matter and create rifts.

And by the way, here's the song Vande Mataram followed by its English translation, which will help you understand it.

वन्दे मातरम्
सुजलां सुफलां मलयजशीतलाम्
शस्यश्यामलां मातरम् |
शुभ्र ज्योत्स्ना पुलकित यामिनीम्
फुल्ल कुसुमित ध्रुमदलशोभिनीम्,
सुहासिनीं सुमधुर भाषिणीम्
सुखदां वरदां मातरम् ||

वन्दे मातरम् ||

And here's the english translation :

My obeisance to Mother India!
With flowing beneficial waters
Filled with choicest fruits
With cooling breeze
Green with the harvest
O mother! My obeisance to you!
Ecstatic moonlit nights
The plants blooming with flowers
Sweet speaker of sweet languages
Fount of blessings,
Mother, I salute you! 

In the end, I'd just like to add one more thing :

Be an INDIAN first, then be a Hindu or Muslim or Sikh or Jain or Buddhist or Christian or whatever.....

PS : You decide !!!

SAL-MAN-IA

That's a word coined by me. Its short for Salman Mania.

This is a particular form of Celeb Craziness, particularly for Salman Khan. I don't understand why people are so crazy about celebrities. I do not find anything different in them. They have two eyes, so have I and I have specs too. They have two ears, so have I. They have one nose, so have I, pretty clean too. They have a pair of lips, so have I. (Should I say kissable too... :p)

I'm getting on your nerves. Isn't it? Well, there were some people who got on mine too. Salman aaya yahan, to mujhe kyun tang karte ho yaar? I got a lot of calls from people asking me if I went to see him. I told him I've already met him earlier on a flight from Bombay (sorry Sena-men, both Shiv Sena and MNS, but it was Bombay then) to Goa.

I got carried away. I'm here not to describe my personal experience, but to comment on 'Celeb Crazy' people. Well, thousands of people had gathered here and in Sumerpur, a nearby town, to have a glimpse of the much controversial actor. And at both the places the police had to lathicharge to control the crowd.

Amazing !! Isn't it?

I had a lot more important things to do than to bear the lathis of police. In fact, I didn't had any chance of facing the lathis, as Salman was a guest at a friend's hotel. And he had invited me to be a part of the function. Still, I preferred to stay away from the actor's blink-and-you-miss visit. He was here to attend a roadshow to thank the people of Sumerpur constituency on the behalf of politician-turned-actor-back-to-politics Beena Kak (in the pic), Cabinet Minister in Rajasthan Government, MLA from Sumerpur and filmi 'maa' of Salman Khan in 'Maine Pyaar Kyun Kiya?'. He also endorsed Rajasthan Government's much hyped 'Harit Rajasthan' programme.

Falna, Sumerpur and Jawai Bandh were on national news for two days. People said I could've been easily on TV. I would prefer to wait than be hit by lathis to be on TV. I can't handle this kind of celebrity crap !

I wish God could spare some time and re-consider the architecture of the top floor of these 'Celeb Crazy' people.

Peace !

Pics courtesy : Kiran Studio, Falna.

Unveling of the Crap

Hello everyone !!

To start with, let me (or rather us) wish u a very Crappy Diwali (oh.... here I go again....) I mean a very Happy Diwali and a prosperous New Year. Actually, I'm trying to concentrate that the basic theme of this blog (intentionally named 'Crapologists') is just crap. I wanted to say Happy Diwali but it seems as if I have had an overdose of the word 'crap'. I hope you bear with this hangover :)

The theory that forms the base of this idea is simple. We cover the fact that talking sense isn't our piece of cake behind the veil that a li'l sarcasm, a li'l laughter and loads of crap is all that is required to live a healthy and wealthy life. (* T&C Apply... lol) This theory is proposed by two great minds - Ankit B. Rathod and Garima Ranawat.

Let me introduce ourself one by one - the Crapologists, thats what we are. Myself, Ankit B. Rathod. I have a one-year-and-ten-days old (at the time of publishing this post) blog 'Good For Nothin....'. Guys, don't try to make a stereotype of me just by the names of my blogs, its just a coincidence. I have started 'Crapologists' with a dear friend of mine, Garima Ranawat, who has no work-ex. She has no blog posts to her credit. And she has only a few comments (only two or three.... that too on my blog) in her jhola (read : bag).

Crap - the dictionary meaning of this word contains a few adjectives : 'nonsense', 'rubbish', 'junk', and the likes. But let me assure you, our crap makes sense. And as our tagline suggests, we are 'making sense out of crap'.

As Garima put it, "A crapologist is a person who specializes in handing out crap but presents in such a way that it appears to be a fact."

Strictly following the definition, the prime goal of Crapologists (we prefer this name... for obvious reasons) is to discuss crap, crap, a li'l more crap, and oh did I forget to mention, crap ! No serious business here !! We crap, you crap, we expect you to crap on our crap :) Confused? Don't be.... 'coz if you get confused in our intro post, I don't think you'll be able to handle our forthcoming posts. All I meant to say that we expect you to comment on our posts. (Didn't I mention the 'crap' hangover earlier?)

The basic idea behind this piece of crap was to present our crap to the audience and know whether it sells or not ! I mean crap sells. When something as disgusting as India TV can survive, I'm sure our crap will do wonders. No competition with India TV in any manner. We can't stoop to that low. Humaare bhi kuchh standards hai. ;)

The golden rule of this blog is : 'Only crap, nothing else !' Simple... Isn't it? What's our USP? Crap. Didn't I mention? So bear with our crap, enjoy our crap, love our crap, hate.... Naah... You can't hate our crap !! We're so sure about it.

Wish us loads of luck and get loads and loads of crap from us :)

PS : Jokes apart, even if we say 'jokes apart', don't expect us to be serious. The crap goes on.... ;)