Whoaa !! Its almost 2010 !!

Hey guys and gals,

New year is at the doorstep. It knocks in any moment. So, its time, before we open the door, to make some promises to ourselves.

Although, my side of the story is always the same and even this year is no exception as i stick by my principle of 'No Resolutions'.

But, to add to this one, my co-blogger Garima and I have made a common resolution. We have decided to rectify one mistake of ours and make this blog what it is meant for - CRAP!!

Well, as we promised in our inaugural post that this blog is going to be fun and full of shit (to be read as :: crap, as it appears in English movie subtitles, although they speak 'shit'), but due to some unexplainable and some really silly reasons, this couldn't happen. Its difficult to think funny in intense moments. Anyways some smart person has found out a way for us by saying 'Promises are meant to be broken....' ;) lolzzz!!

Jokes apart, on a serious note (seriously serious), we will now make efforts to keep up with our promise. Enough of rule breaking.

Hopefully, all our resolutions materialize this year and if not then well we have another new year coming up too!! Tension nahi lene ka monaco khaneka!!

Lastly, I wish all of us a very HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Keep crapping!!

HAPPY and GAY !!

Sorry for being late in posting new crap here on Crapologists. Its all because both of us crapologists - me and Garima - were quite busy with our lives. Garima was busy with stuffs as usual - journal writings, college, etc - and also her Farewell. Garima-ji, Farewell toh ab ho gaya, we expect a post from you SOOOOOON !!! And I was busy with work, office, factory, being home alone, college and a skit !

Yes, a skit. Although, I'm not an avid participant in social and cultural activities, I participated in the skit 'coz of a friend. He was going to participate, but couldn't due to some health problems. He's still recuperating. This is when I jumped into the bandwagon !

Here are two videos of the act. The quality isn't that good, but it isn't that bad either.

The audience cheered us. We rocked the stage full on ! The audience gave us a standing ovation ! Yet, we lost the top position to another act, which was adjudged 'the best' only on the basis of their concept. No doubt their concept was good, but they had no dance ! But judges ko kaun samjhaaye??? Khair, jo hota hai achhe ke liye hi hota hai.... Such is life !

Thirty-three idiots + 1

Living life in bits and parts… sharing… saving and spending… and a lot more than this account for the experiences that one gets in a place where one is on his own, and yet he/she knows that he/she will be taken care of. Yes. I am talking about the college life, and Degree College, to be specific.

I am a TYBSc Biotechnology student. Life for me meant 7 hours at college and the rest at home struggling to keep up with everything else that mattered… parents, health, household, friends, society, etc. In the wake of making a place for myself in the corporate world I thought I was missing a lot. I envied my pals from other faculties, thought they had fun while we were screwing up our asses in the labs looking for micro organisms under the microscope and figuring out their morphology. The guys in my class comment:

“Ma’am there are other living beings on this planet and studying their morphology would be of incomparable interests!”

I don’t really think I need to explain this one.

Well in complete contrast to my first paragraph are the experiences that I have had in my 3 years of Degree College. No doubt we as science students had a tough regular schedule but no one could have enjoyed as much as we did while learning.
In these three years I have grown up with the company of 33 others (my batch mates) like me. We learnt to hate, we learnt to love, and we learnt the meaning of second chances and also the meaning of forgiving endlessly. In spite of all our differences together we gave birth to ‘KAOS- Nature is restless’ the festival of our department , in our 2nd year i.e. in 2008 and also 'KAOS'09-Nature is restless' in 2009 on a larger scale. The making of this fest was a life time experience. We celebrated all festivals in college. Our biotech lab was our party place. We would get cakes, sweets, snacks, balloons; decide a dress code for our department. The teachers always supported our little effort to create a better bond between students and teachers.

The only thing that I will miss after my Ty is my class. We being the batch with the least strength (34) have made our mark in our college. Our unity impressed all and made things work in our favor most of the times. Our head of the department Dr. Aparna Deshmukh termed us as the best batch the college has ever seen. She admires the unity our batch shows under any circumstances then may it be mass bunking or asking for an IV(industrial visit) or may be while organizing a fest or protesting against unfair rules of the college. We have faced the criticism when we were called a bunch arrogant and head strong people. Yes, we are like any other group who has heroes and villains. We love and hate at the same time.

Today as we are coming to the end of the last academic year of Degree College I feel butterflies in my stomach. I feel as if there is a hole in my heart. I am scared to see the end of this wonderful journey with all its good and bad. I will miss loving those friends who have made tough times easier and will miss hating those who made tough times worse. I will miss the days when the Prof. would catch me studying for the next days test or playing antakshari on paper. Those days when together we cursed all other beings on earth; those days when we laughed at even the worst of PJs; those nick names assigned to a few people; those days when we fought as if one will kill another; those days when we cried over foolish issues; those days when I and my friends would chat via SMSes during the lectures; those games of truth and dare and all those stupid dares that we gave and the game of dumb charades with all weird movie names; and a lot more to add to the list.

All in all I am proud of the 3 years that I have spent in company of 33 other idiots like me.
CHEERS!!! To all that we have had and all that is yet to come in the last few days!!

Marwaris = Smart !

While surfing through some random blogs, I came across this story of a Marwari salesman. I, being a Marwari myself, couldn't refrain myself from reading it. I loved it sooooo much. Read it and know how good Marwaris are at business !

A keen immigrant Indian lad applied for a salesman’s job at London’s premier downtown departmental store. In fact, it was the biggest store in the world – you could get anything there.

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"

"Yes sir, I was a salesman in Rajasthan in India", replied the lad.

The boss liked the cut of him and said,

"You can start tomorrow and I’ll come and see you."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but he got through it. And finally 6:00 PM came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked,

"How many sales did you make today?"

"Sir, Just ONE sale." said the young salesman.

"Only one sale?" blurted the boss.

"No! No! You see here, most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. If you want to keep this job, you’d better be doing better than just one sale. By the way how much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand three hundred and thirty four pounds", said the young Marwari.

"What? How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well", said the salesman, "This man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him new fishing rod and some fishing gear. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. So I told him he’d be needing a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty-foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn’t be able to pull it, so I took him to our automotive department and sold him that new Deluxe 4X4 Blazer. I then asked him where he’ll be staying, and since he had no accommodation, I took him to camping department and sold him one of those new igloo 6 sleeper camper tents. Then the guy said, while we’re at it, I should throw in about $100 worth of groceries and two cases of beer."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook!!"

"No." answered the salesman, "He came in to buy a box of sanitary napkins for his wife and I said to him, "Your weekend is screwed anyway; you might as well go fishing."

So, this is what being Marwari is... I'm proud to be a Marwari ! Kasam se....

Live-in Relationships vs Marriage - Your Take

Hey folks ! Hiiii.....

Helping someone doesn't fall in the category of crap. Still, I love to help. Not that I'm giving away my tag of a 'Crapologist', its just that helping someone makes me feel good.

A friend Manali wanted my help in her research study. She wanted a few responses to a short-n-sweet questionnaire. Five questions - all yes/no types. They won't take more than five minutes. All you guys have to do is just leave your answers alongwith your Name (optional), Age (mandatory), Sex (mandatory), Location (mandatory, you may not be specific; but be general) in the form of a comment. The topic of her research is "LIVE –IN RELATIONSHIPS v/s MARRIAGE"

Link:’’http://lifestyle.indianetzone.com/relationship/1/live-in_relationships.html

Questionnaire for the research study 

1. Do u think that live-in relationships are preferred over marriage?
a) Yes
b) No 

2. Are live-in relationships proved to be successful than marriage?
a) Yes
b) No  

3. Do you think that Live-in relationships should be made legal supporting an agreement so that no one can cheat?
a) Yes
b) No 

4. Do u believe in old traditional form of marriage rather than the modern concept of live-in relationship?
a) Yes
b) No 

5. Do u think that live-in relationship is like a traditional marriage with no cohabitation and no sex before marriage?
a) Yes
b) No

That's it !! Thanks for helping !

A kiss forever!! -Part 3 of 3

PART 3 OF 3

The Truth...

He answered in his sweet musical voice...

“Nothing went wrong. I wanted to go away from there. I wanted to change my life. I was missing an important part of my life.”
I felt a hard pinch and my stomach churned.
“It isn’t convincing enough…” I muttered, “Still, who is the bride?” I asked.
He smirked and then laughed and he didn’t laugh alone. Only then did I notice that all our friends were present there. What cheaters I thought. I waited as he was about to answer. I wanted to know what was so funny.

“The bride is YOU!!”
I was shocked… I felt weak at knees… I stumbled and he took me in his arms.
“I missed you… I wanted to stay with you… every morning when I wake up, the first thing I want to do is see you…”
“But you said you didn’t want to be there anymore?” I interrupted.
He answered with a warm smile.
“Yes I didn’t want to be there in that place anymore. I wanted to come here and get married to you. You wanted it here right?”
I was starting to believe it. I finally gained balance and hugged him hard. I cursed him for putting me through all that.
I realized that I was dressed in rags compared to all others who looked like movie stars. He probably read my expression and said, “Don’t worry; we have a change for you. Everything is ready. You just have to go and come back and be mine forever.”
Those of whom I thought as cheaters and had sided with him were the ones who had help arrange all this. I was taken to the hotel room where a hair-dresser, a make-up artist and my stylist were all ready to work on me. I pitied the hair dresser as my hair were bad than the worst, they required a lot of mending. My face was still better. With just a scrub and a cleanser I looked reasonably fresh.
I took a hot water bath and then sat on the recliner and rested my head on the pillow. I slept while the three ladies played their role to make me look special for the most special day in my life… for the most special person of my life. I had something to eat while the hair dresser still tried to straighten the strands.
When all was done I dressed in my white satin wedding gown and with flowers in my hand I entered the hall. My best friend was my best man today who escorted me through the aisle. The priest chanted the usual and announced us wedded which was to be followed by a kiss which would seal the relationship and before our lips could meet he whispered in my ear…
“It’s the day when you are dressed like an angel… today you look the most beautiful, alluring all the words which describe the beauty of a woman. I want to kiss you till the end of life.”

A kiss forever- Part 2 of 3

PART 2 OF 3

The Big Blow

I dialed his number for the umpteenth time and...
“Hello?” came his sweet voice finally. I somehow managed a faint greeting which I could not hear but I was positive he recognized me. After 5 years of togetherness he could not have not recognized me. I asked him where he was and what was all this about but I did not get a reply. It was only then that I realized that all these questions were in my head and I needed to find my voice. I asked and then remained stunned when he said that he was getting married in St. Paul’s church tomorrow. St. Paul’s church!! How could I forget that place? It was there where I wanted to marry him and he knew it. How mean of him to do this to me… to leave me like that and get married to someone else in the very place where I wanted to take our relationship to the next level… where we would have created a permanent and stronger bond. It was the most brutal way of breaking someone’s heart.
NO!! I wasn’t letting this happen without contenting myself with a reasonable excuse of being left like that… not until he convinced me that I deserved it (I knew this would never happen… because I would never let him go to someone else).
I decided to go to St. Paul’s straightaway. It meant a 6 hour drive. I then realized how far I had come in search of him. I took a cab and next thing I knew was that I was standing right in front of the St. Paul’s church. I wasn’t embarrassed in going in, in 3 days old attire, a haystack for my hair and bruises on my body and my clothes brown with dirt. Knowing him and his contacts and rich and famous that he was, this should’ve been a grand affair. Holy shit!! If this was a grand affair, this was being planned for quite long now. I shook my head and thought to myself that it didn’t matter. I just strode across the road and stomped past the doors of the church and bang!! He was standing right in front of me in the best suit ever… looking handsome. My anguish seemed to fade away. I gasped and then reminded myself what I was here for.
I ran to him and asked what was all this about and why? What had gone wrong? He answered in his sweet musical voice.

Well even we are waiting for his answer!!

To be continued on thursday 19 th november!!

A kiss forever! - Part 1 of 3

Hello everybody!! Following is a short story i had managed during lectures. It's my first try at something like this.

PART 1OF 3

The Search..

‘Stand with me, hold me in your arms’, were the words stuck in my throat as voice refused to come out. All I could manage was a feeble scream that did not hit my ear drums. All I knew and all my mind could decipher amidst all confusion were hi last words.
I shuddered at the thought and yet again someone pressed the rewind button and then play… For a moment everything was hazy and then again those words. My eyes burned and my head spun. I could not find my hands to wipe the tears on my cheeks. I lost the sense of the world. I could not feel the pain when the door closed on my fingers and hot blood gushing from my nails gave me warmth as my body … my soul was cold. My stomach let out loud groans which had nothing to do with the hunger of not having eaten for the past two days!!
Yes two days had passed, I realized, since the phone rang and I had foreseen my world coming crashing down. I wanted to stand right below it and catch it before the glass shattered. Someone rewinded the tape to that point when I received a call at 3.30 am on Monday. Now starts the flashback.
I picked up the phone and put it on my ear, half cursing the person who had called up and then my eyes turned twice their normal size... my ears alert like a dog’s and my heart racing with no competitor. I heard the words,

“this is my last call to u before I go. I don’t want to be there anymore. Good bye and take care.”
I sat still for 15 minutes trying to unscramble what I heard. A shiver ran down my spine. I understood the last had cum but why? I deserved a reason and more than that I needed to save this. I jumped out of the bed and changed into…whatever (it didn’t really matter). I took all the money I had because I didn’t know where was the end of the search that will now begin.
I took a cab and headed towards the house behind the old mill…found nothing. I searched in the office… no relief to my eyes yet. I took the cab to the pub we often visited but of no avail. The cabbie refused to go any further as we almost circled across the town... I jumped out of the cab and half ran towards… well I didn’t know where. I reached station and took a train and got down at the last stop. I ran… my heart raced faster. What if I could not find what I came looking for? I decided I dint have time to think and straight went to the art gallery where his exhibitions were usually held. I slipped and tripped many times. It was raining cats and dogs and I had forgotten my overcoat. The only benefit of the down pour was that, people who thought that I had been bit by a mad dog could not see that I was crying, the fact being that even I did not realize it earlier.
I reached the gallery but it didn’t do any good. I searched in all the malls, departmental stores that I passed by. I also visited all the exhibitions scheduled for that day in the town hoping to see him in his 3-piece Raymond’s suit attending to the visitors. But, well as I said I was just hoping… the bubble kept bursting and a new one would ooze out every time I headed towards a new destination. Well I could have set a record and got myself entered into the Guiness Book for the optimism I showed.
I used cabs to move across the town. Some cabbies refused as I was all wet and some might have thought that I was some crazy woman who escaped from an asylum, given my hairdo. As if I cared!!
I don’t know why I was running around, looking for something (someone) who still had an option of rejecting me and after that, all of this running, starving and crying would be a waste. But I knew one thing, whatever may be the reason I was sure and positive about not letting my world come to hit a dead end. I’ll do whatever it takes.
Reality hit me hard when I realized an officer was calling on me for I was standing in the middle of the street when the signal was green. I apologized and my hunt began. I was already getting depressed as another day was coming to an end with no success. I shook my head and encouraged my self by thinking that I still had time. I went to the restaurants we often dined in, the cafes and the music stores that we usually visited, but no… I still had to try harder. Then something dawned upon me and I looked for my cell phone. I dialed his number for the umpteenth time and...

(Part2)will be continued on tuesday,17th november!!

The National Song and the Fatwa

Fatwa issued against Vande Mataram

This piece of news is shocking to many. But, to me, it is disgusting ! Jamiat Ulema-e-Hind of Deoband has issued a fatwa (n.  A legal opinion or ruling issued by an Islamic scholar) against the National Song 'Vande Mataram'. (Watch the Times Now video)

Jamait Ulema-e-Hind or the JUH on Tuesday issued a fatwa against singing national song ‘Vande Mataram’. According to a resolution, Muslims should not sing ‘Vande Mataram’ as its reciting is against the Islam.

The resolution, which was passed at the Deoband national convention meet, says that Muslims should not sing ‘Vande Mataram’ as some verses of the patriotic song are against the tenets of Islam. The JUH leader said that the some of the line in the song is against Islam.

In the first place, I'd like to ask these so-called scholars is it necessary to issue such a fatwa against a song which inspired a lot of freedom fighters (including Muslims) to fight for the country's independence? And if you do so, I'm very sorry to say that you don't deserve to be called a 'scholar'. And if you have a problem in reciting Vande Mataram, nobody's compelling you to do so. In turn, you shouldn't impose your thoughts over other Muslims brothers and sisters.

I'm not against Islam. I respect Islam as much as I respect my own faith or any other faith for that matter. All I can not stand is this 'extremism' and imposition of thoughts on others.

Isn't it a deliberate attempt to create differences in the minds of common people? Will in not create rifts between Hindus and Muslims? And God forbid, if something happens, who the hell is gonna take the responsibility? Will the clerics hold themselves responsible?

Why didn't they issue fatwa against A R Rahman for his much successful rendition of Vande Mataram? Wasn't it un-Islamic at that time? Hats off to A R Rahman for that marvellous rendition. I loved that song ! I don't think A R Rahman would stop singing Vande Mataram at his concerts. And the clerics would agree that he's a perfect Muslim. So here you go....

I just want to say that I detest those people who poke their nose in other's lives. You live yours, and let others live theirs. Thats it !! In my opinion, the nation should be primary, and religion or faith should be secondary.

Meanwhile, the Muslim Law Board justified the decision saying that (Muslims) can’t offer prayers to anyone but Allah. Kamal Farooqui, a prominent leader of the Board said, “We love the nation but can’t worship it.”

Dude !! Who tells you to worship? If you don't want to sing, its ok. Don't force it on others. GROW UP !!! Get a life !

On the contrary, many of the Muslim political leaders and other prominent Muslims personalities have thrashed the fatwa against the national song. Renowned scriptwriter and lyricist Javed Akhtar said, “The objection is redundant. You don’t want to sing Vande Mataram? Don’t! Who is forcing you? I sing it. I don’t see it as objectionable. If you do, don’t sing it. Why do you insist on bringing such irrelevant matters centre stage?”

Javed Akhtar, who is considered as nationalist believes in strengthening the country not dividing its people on the basis of religion said, “ It’s a non-issue and unnecessarily provocative. I’ve written songs with Vande Mataram in them. I used the term Vande Mataram in Priyadarshan’s Saza-e-Kala Pani. Then I used the term for a song in Phir Bhi Dil Hai Hindustani and finally for a song that’s used at the military academy at Dehradun. Please don’t make an issue out of a non-issue. These are non-entities.”

My advice to everyone : Singing or not singing Vande Mataram is entirely your personal choice. Please don't let others make it an issue. If you don't want to sing, its better you don't sing rather than publicise the matter and create rifts.

And by the way, here's the song Vande Mataram followed by its English translation, which will help you understand it.

वन्दे मातरम्
सुजलां सुफलां मलयजशीतलाम्
शस्यश्यामलां मातरम् |
शुभ्र ज्योत्स्ना पुलकित यामिनीम्
फुल्ल कुसुमित ध्रुमदलशोभिनीम्,
सुहासिनीं सुमधुर भाषिणीम्
सुखदां वरदां मातरम् ||

वन्दे मातरम् ||

And here's the english translation :

My obeisance to Mother India!
With flowing beneficial waters
Filled with choicest fruits
With cooling breeze
Green with the harvest
O mother! My obeisance to you!
Ecstatic moonlit nights
The plants blooming with flowers
Sweet speaker of sweet languages
Fount of blessings,
Mother, I salute you! 

In the end, I'd just like to add one more thing :

Be an INDIAN first, then be a Hindu or Muslim or Sikh or Jain or Buddhist or Christian or whatever.....

PS : You decide !!!

SAL-MAN-IA

That's a word coined by me. Its short for Salman Mania.

This is a particular form of Celeb Craziness, particularly for Salman Khan. I don't understand why people are so crazy about celebrities. I do not find anything different in them. They have two eyes, so have I and I have specs too. They have two ears, so have I. They have one nose, so have I, pretty clean too. They have a pair of lips, so have I. (Should I say kissable too... :p)

I'm getting on your nerves. Isn't it? Well, there were some people who got on mine too. Salman aaya yahan, to mujhe kyun tang karte ho yaar? I got a lot of calls from people asking me if I went to see him. I told him I've already met him earlier on a flight from Bombay (sorry Sena-men, both Shiv Sena and MNS, but it was Bombay then) to Goa.

I got carried away. I'm here not to describe my personal experience, but to comment on 'Celeb Crazy' people. Well, thousands of people had gathered here and in Sumerpur, a nearby town, to have a glimpse of the much controversial actor. And at both the places the police had to lathicharge to control the crowd.

Amazing !! Isn't it?

I had a lot more important things to do than to bear the lathis of police. In fact, I didn't had any chance of facing the lathis, as Salman was a guest at a friend's hotel. And he had invited me to be a part of the function. Still, I preferred to stay away from the actor's blink-and-you-miss visit. He was here to attend a roadshow to thank the people of Sumerpur constituency on the behalf of politician-turned-actor-back-to-politics Beena Kak (in the pic), Cabinet Minister in Rajasthan Government, MLA from Sumerpur and filmi 'maa' of Salman Khan in 'Maine Pyaar Kyun Kiya?'. He also endorsed Rajasthan Government's much hyped 'Harit Rajasthan' programme.

Falna, Sumerpur and Jawai Bandh were on national news for two days. People said I could've been easily on TV. I would prefer to wait than be hit by lathis to be on TV. I can't handle this kind of celebrity crap !

I wish God could spare some time and re-consider the architecture of the top floor of these 'Celeb Crazy' people.

Peace !

Pics courtesy : Kiran Studio, Falna.

Unveling of the Crap

Hello everyone !!

To start with, let me (or rather us) wish u a very Crappy Diwali (oh.... here I go again....) I mean a very Happy Diwali and a prosperous New Year. Actually, I'm trying to concentrate that the basic theme of this blog (intentionally named 'Crapologists') is just crap. I wanted to say Happy Diwali but it seems as if I have had an overdose of the word 'crap'. I hope you bear with this hangover :)

The theory that forms the base of this idea is simple. We cover the fact that talking sense isn't our piece of cake behind the veil that a li'l sarcasm, a li'l laughter and loads of crap is all that is required to live a healthy and wealthy life. (* T&C Apply... lol) This theory is proposed by two great minds - Ankit B. Rathod and Garima Ranawat.

Let me introduce ourself one by one - the Crapologists, thats what we are. Myself, Ankit B. Rathod. I have a one-year-and-ten-days old (at the time of publishing this post) blog 'Good For Nothin....'. Guys, don't try to make a stereotype of me just by the names of my blogs, its just a coincidence. I have started 'Crapologists' with a dear friend of mine, Garima Ranawat, who has no work-ex. She has no blog posts to her credit. And she has only a few comments (only two or three.... that too on my blog) in her jhola (read : bag).

Crap - the dictionary meaning of this word contains a few adjectives : 'nonsense', 'rubbish', 'junk', and the likes. But let me assure you, our crap makes sense. And as our tagline suggests, we are 'making sense out of crap'.

As Garima put it, "A crapologist is a person who specializes in handing out crap but presents in such a way that it appears to be a fact."

Strictly following the definition, the prime goal of Crapologists (we prefer this name... for obvious reasons) is to discuss crap, crap, a li'l more crap, and oh did I forget to mention, crap ! No serious business here !! We crap, you crap, we expect you to crap on our crap :) Confused? Don't be.... 'coz if you get confused in our intro post, I don't think you'll be able to handle our forthcoming posts. All I meant to say that we expect you to comment on our posts. (Didn't I mention the 'crap' hangover earlier?)

The basic idea behind this piece of crap was to present our crap to the audience and know whether it sells or not ! I mean crap sells. When something as disgusting as India TV can survive, I'm sure our crap will do wonders. No competition with India TV in any manner. We can't stoop to that low. Humaare bhi kuchh standards hai. ;)

The golden rule of this blog is : 'Only crap, nothing else !' Simple... Isn't it? What's our USP? Crap. Didn't I mention? So bear with our crap, enjoy our crap, love our crap, hate.... Naah... You can't hate our crap !! We're so sure about it.

Wish us loads of luck and get loads and loads of crap from us :)

PS : Jokes apart, even if we say 'jokes apart', don't expect us to be serious. The crap goes on.... ;)